Friday evening I realized that I was most likely pregnant. I needed to decide which parent I was going to go to first with my problem. I love my mother but she has so much on her plate right now I did not want to cause more problems for her, though I guess I already have. Dad, the hardest part of going to dad is that I know it will break his heart. To him, I am still daddies little girl, I guess those days are over. Welp, procrastination is not going to accomplish anything, I guess dad it is.
He was out putting the finishing touches on the stain for the new sauna when I walked up to him. I guess my trepidation was showing because when he looked up at me, he put his brush down and stood up and asked what was wrong. I could not help myself, I burst into tears and said oh daddy, I don't know what to do. He hugged me, took me over to the bench by the pool, and sat down with me asking me to tell him what I needed help with.
So I told him. As I went into the whole long story, I kept looking in his face for disapproval. I was surprised when it never came. Instead I saw only sadness and concern. When I finished, he asked a few questions, how long we had been lovers and so on. When I said it was the first time, he got a sad grin on his face, as if he knew exactly what Dustin had told me and then he proved it by saying "He told you that you could not get pregnant the first time did he?" I told him yes, and then asked him how he knew.
"You are old enough to know I guess", he said. "I told your mother the same thing, though she was a year older than you at the time." The meaning of his words sunk in and I looked at my father with a deeper understanding of his life. Then we talked. We discussed options. He talked to me as if I was an adult. He did not do what I had expected, which was to put his foot down and tell me what we were going to do. He said, it was my life, and my choice for how I was going to live it.
I told him no, I did not want to marry Dustin, I wanted to go to college and make something of my life, that at this point I hoped I never saw Dustin again. He winced at that, and told me to never say never. We decided then that he would drive me to the clinic in the morning, and if they confirmed the pregnancy, they would give me a pill to make it go away. I was sad at the mere thought of losing my child, but knew that I was not ready for the responsibilities of motherhood.
At the clinic the next morning, they confirmed my worst fears, and more. Twins, I guess it really does run in the family.
When we got home I took a shower to try and wash away the feelings I was experiencing, and when that didn't work, I tried to get a tan. That also failed, so as I went in to dress for work (the job that I had agreed with dad to take, something about personal discipline) I only could think that I had just had the worst week of my life all because I let a boy have sex with me.
As I went to the car to go to work, it was some comfort to know that Dad felt a little discipline could do Lilith some good too, at least this way, I was not alone.
I guess that is all for now. Lilith and I are planning how we are going to borrow extra money from mom and dad to start a Sorority house when we go to college. I think until then I need to spend my time in reflection. It may sound corny, but I do regret my innocence lost.
